I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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