i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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