I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
