we have officially lost it.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
