Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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