i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
