The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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