Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
