I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
