OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
