Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
