went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
