listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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