There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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