I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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