I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
