wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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