haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
