they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
