yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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