So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
