Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
