lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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