Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
