I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
