was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
