Me. At least after what I've been through.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
