i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
