Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
