also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
