you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
