Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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