Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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