got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
