Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
