I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
