If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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