I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
