On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
