You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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