My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
