It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
