I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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