I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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