the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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