I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
