I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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