So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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