YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
