Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
