I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No more Irish car bombs ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
