There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
