I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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