is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
