I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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