I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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